Letter to the Ladies: Find that Sweet Spot

Dear Ladies,

This is neither Lee Fields-ish, nor a love letter to touch your heart. But, like R.Kelly, we (men) do condone getting together and multiplying, or less seriously sharing love.

R. Kelly’s Love Letter album cover

Ladies, please know that this is written with the best intentions imaginable, even though we are well aware of the pavement that is on the road to hell. With that said, we truly believe what follows can be helpful when dating.

When dating (or talking to) a man, and desiring it to last for more than mere moments, you must find that sweet spot (I don’t know what else to call it). The tricky part is the sweet spot is different for every man in every dating situation. It depends on the people involved and where they are in life, among other things. Also take into account your own nature by choosing a person you think is seemingly worthy of you—at the time—which is conceivably the best suitor.

Trying to balance everything when dating is an art, but it must be done. Controlled honesty without fear of a consequence is also a method for success in any relationship—even in the early stages of dating. So, to avoid that jilted feeling, or confusion as to why a guy flees, or not understanding why a guy can’t find it in him to commit long-term, or at least stay long enough for you to keep your pride, soul, self-image, reputation, and heart intact, after you do have sex; you must find that sweet spot.

If you’re still unclear exactly what the sweet spot is I am referring to, it is this…but before we clearly define it, you must know that this is not a sick ploy or an anti-moral or anti-religious stance I’m taking. This is just a real-world view on sex and dating. Ok, so the sweet spot is that optimum time when you should have sex with the person you are dating, or whatever.

You should not sleep with a guy too soon. Why? Because he may think you are too easy and he isn’t special. “Too soon” can be within thirty minutes of meeting him to a full month—maybe longer. Each guy is different. Basically, having sex too soon prevents the necessary respect or trust components of a relationship from being established. We could be wrong, but weigh this theory if you want a man to stay longer than a night.

You also should NOT wait too long before deciding you’ve made him wait long enough (to earn it) either. Face your fears or don’t. “Too long” can be outside of thirty minutes of meeting him or a full month–maybe longer. Each guy is different! Waiting too long is like pushing a resentment-button that results in anger or leads to a guy practicing his patience. He will wait you out just to find the quickest exit after that climax–pun intended. SO, a guy will date you out of spite…then spite you for making him wait too long. You being his only option alters things. Know the power you have. All while you are making him wait, he could be calling his sure-jumpoff-thing after each date with you. But you being his only option…he may be smart enough to stick around…until something better or new comes along. Waiting too long can also lead to the friend-zone–for both parties. 😦 Strike while the iron is hot.

Dating is unpredictable. Sometimes sex with a person may be unfulfilling and going your separate ways is necessary. Can’t know until you know. And, trying to mind your number is great so long as you marry a guy that cares, and that guy that cares doesn’t divorce you (50% chance in American). Have fun, regret shit later, then get smarter. There are many variables that we are not accounting for, but please know there is that “shit or get off the pot” type of timing a man has, as well as an alarm when the band-aid has been ripped off too quickly.  Good luck out there, Ladies; and, stay safe.

Sincerely yours,

Almost every man on the planet Earth

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