In Re: Marriage

Marriage is an institution that constantly requires sacrifice. Sacrifice should not seem harsh, but instead a necessity for success, which, in theory, should breed happiness. Nevertheless, marriage is not a fairytale or happily-ever-after. Sacrifice is not pleasant.

In an attempt to remain objective, marriage has its benefits and drawbacks. The respective spouses view those pros and cons differently, which is likely where a lot of the strife comes. But, there aren’t any stats to support that statement, so if you are curious, you should read-up on all the marital issues that lead to dissolution of, or hardships in, marriage. Or, try marriage if the opportunity presents itself.

Marriage is for…

Love? One can imagine that people get married because they really love another person. Some people get married for security of the physical, emotional, or financial variety; or, a combination of the four, including love. Some people get married for the legal rights (specifically thinking about taxes, but there are property related and citizenship perks that are cool—I think). Some succumb to marriage because they think it is the right thing to do based on religion, culture, or pleasing the will of their partner they care madly about. Others want to change their position on the social ladder, or insure a greater future. Some women get married to have a wedding that makes them feel like stars. Other people get married to create a family and raise that family with two parents in order to have the children thrive. Some are married as an arrangement of one sort or another. And, there are those that get married because they want to grow old with another person. In any case, it’s kind of like an investment. The same is true with having children.

Marriage is a Sacrifice…

Marriage is a sacrifice because entering into a partnership, or onto a team requires that the team or partnership come first. Spouses must treat each other with a profound amount of respect. Spouses should always be considering the other when making certain decisions. There is no more complete, autonomous action when you are married—for the most part. The sacrificing really comes in when there are children to be raised.

The issues of the kids take precedence over the adults’, and their well-being is paramount. That’s how it should be. Buying milk and apple juice instead of beer and wine, or fruits and vegetables instead of chips and doughnuts is harder than you may think (if that is a change you must make on your grocery list). Providing discipline for the upcoming generation over continuing to learn as you freestyle it, is crucial. But, winging-it will keep happening in parenting—so that’s pretty much a lost cause. So is letting your children decide for themselves, after certain values have been instilled.

There are other obvious sacrifices, like: forsaking all others; and, not spontaneously going to a club or out-of-state city, town, or national park. Essentially, marriage is like watching an investment grow, which requires a sacrifice of present happiness. That sacrifice is made for the hope or promise that things will be even better, later.

There’s more…

More can be added to each category above, but that was to give an idea of why marriage keeps happening and why it is a sacrifice. Those other reasons for marriage, or why it’s a sacrifice, are no more essential than the aforementioned. Nor are they essential to making the point that follows. Plus, people should be brave enough to define marriage for themselves, by themselves, since they are the ones living in it. That may be the best way. Obviously, communication will be the cornerstone of that kind of marriage, as most other kinds also need.

The Point…

The point is simple. Every man, woman, or other should have an inalienable right to marry whomever they believe they want to to take on the journey of life/marriage with. There are no guarantees in life, so why not let people have their fair shot. Some religions have their tenants, but world governments ought to support marriage for the people, not the prevailing religious view. History should show that religious views are the basis for much destructive conflict. Thusly, a religion does not create a great premise to base an argument given the enormous holes they present.

America is supposed to be the land of the free. And, the basis of America was so people could practice whatever religion suits their fancy. Hopefully, people will be able to marry who they would like, and before that, have the option to live as they feel comfortable without the fear of alienation, hate crimes, and retaliatory action for a genetic predisposition or choice.

Lastly, others should not feel an intense sensation of failure if the marriage dissolves. Shit Stuff happens. Nor should a person feel trapped in a marriage. If you are brave enough to get married, be brave enough to define how you would like to be happily married or just happy…without trepidation. Each person is unique; and life presents certain challenges, but nothing is impossible, even marriage—for anybody.

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